Author:
For: lornelover, happy belated birthday
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: McKay/Zelenka, Ronon/Sheppard/OCFs, Ronon/Weir, and Weir/Zelenka.
Rating: PG13.
Words: 527.
Summary: Rodney accuses John of giving him syphilis.
John hears Rodney before he sees him. For someone always complaining about having to walk on missions, Rodney is faster than he looks, and John reels in pain as Rodney's fist connects with his jaw.
"You gave me syphilis, you bastard," Rodney shouts as he takes another swing.
But this time, John's ready. He's confused, but ready, and he grabs Rodney's arm before he can do any more harm. "I what?"
Rodney frowns and curls his hand back toward his body protectively. It seems like the punch hurt Rodney worse than it did John. "You gave me syphilis. You probably picked it up from one of your space whores."
"Space whores?" John crosses his arms. He's pretty sure that syphilis comes with redness, itching, and perhaps some puss around his groin, and John would clearly remember if he had that.
Rodney nods and looks accusingly at John. "And then you had sex with Ronon."
John feels the bile in stomach rise as he realizes that the door to his office is still open. Thankfully, it shuts on command. "I did not have sex with Ronon."
"Yes, you did."
The truth is that John did have sex with Ronon, but he's not going to tell Rodney that. It was bad enough that Teyla with her all-seeing powers knows. But unlike Rodney, she can keep a secret.
John sighs. "Let's pretend that I had sex with Ronon. Hypothetically." He runs his hand through his hair and then touches his swollen cheek. "I still don't understand how I gave you syphilis. I don't even have any symptoms."
"Carson says that some cases are asymptomatic." Rodney's still glaring at him. However, John's long been immune to Rodney. "If you weren't cheating on Ronon with space whores then Ronon was cheating on you with space whores, and he gave my syphilis."
"Then why don't you go punch Ronon?"
"Because that would be stupid. I mean, have you seen him?"
"I still don't see how Ronon or I gave you syphilis, Rodney." John feels a headache building behind his eyes. Not only will he have to deal with the gossip, but he'll also prove Rodney right as he has to see Beckett.
"Simple." Rodney sat down in a chair, clearly not interesting in physically fighting John anymore. "You and Ronon had your space whores. Then Ronon had sex with Elizabeth who had sex with Radek who had sex with me."
John starts to laugh. "Syphilis is not funny," Rodney protests. "It makes you go blind and crazy. Just like Napoleon." But that only makes John laugh even more. "You gave me syphilis," Rodney shouts.
Shaking his head, John doesn't even want to think about the paperwork that Beckett's going to have to do or try to recall just which planet he and Ronon had picked up those space whores. They should probably have the entire city tested and possibly the Athosians too. He claps his hand on Rodney's back. "Let's go see the doc."
"I-"
John clamps his hand over Rodney's mouth before he can say anything else. It doesn't help that both Cadman and Bates are staring at them through the glass.