Author:
Rated: R.
Setting: Angel S5, no spoilers, pure speculation.
Pairing: Spike/Lorne.
"I swear that I read something about this somewhere," a frustrated Wesley slammed the thick book down on his desk.
"Don't be too hard on yourself," Fred tried to calm him. "You can't be expected to remember every ancient text that's going to be important someday."
"I hate to break it to you," interrupted Gunn. "But not only can I not read whatever demon language this is in, but the pictures don't even make sense." He closed the book with a sigh. "Can't you get some brainiack to do it here at Wolfram & Hart?"
"It is an...," Wesley had begun in a shout, but then lowered his voice. "An evil law firm," he barely whispered. "And frankly, I don't trust them. Plus, I own this text, not them."
"Why don't you make His Broodiness over there pick up a book?" asked Gunn. All three of them glanced over at Angel who was sitting at the opposite end of a large conference table.
"No," he talked to himself. "I'm the Champion. The souled vampire. And I'm in love with Buffy, you bleached copycat. Who's the Champion. That's right, I am." Suddenly, Angel looked up at Fred, Wesley, and Gunn. "Err, right guys. How's the research going?"
"What are you doing?" Fred wriggled her nose.
"Well you see...," Angel chuckled. "I stole these," he held up action figures that looked strikingly like himself, Spike, and Buffy. "For this really evil ancient thing that looked like a puppy, which used them for telekinetically plotting evil things. Very bad, very evil things."
"Uh huh," Gunn mumbled.
"That's it," Wesley joyously shouted out. "The prophecies about the male slayer and souled vampire are in the Brenium Denethum. I always thought it was a prophecy about a vampire killing a slayer by magics. The translations must have been off. Now where is it?" Wesley ran towards the bookshelf.
"Did you say the Brenium Denethum?"
"Why yes, Fred."
"Well, I have it. See Willow was helping me with a couple of translations and she had never seen it. So, anyway I'll go to my room and get it." Fred ran down the hall to the elevator. It was really quite convenient living in the same place as you work. If she thought of a solution for a physics problem at 4 a.m., she always had a team of scientists at her beck and call.
She opened the door of her room and let out a loud gasp. Spike turned around, adorned in Fred's favorite little black dress.
"Spike," she gasped. "What in the hell are you doing in my dress." She looked him up and down. Oh my, she thought, he has better legs than me. If only he had shaved, they'd look even more marvelous. God, those calves. It's like I walked into my real-life K/S fanfic.
"Well you see," he blushed and looked at the ground. "It seems that slayer strength wasn't the only quality Buffy passed with the fire. I also seem to have acquired her taste in tarty dresses."
Fred didn't know what to say. All she could do was stare that the newly human ex-vampire in her spaghetti strap dress. Then she remembered about the Brenium Denethum. "I'm taking the Brenium Denethum text and leaving. Then you are to get out of my dress and never enter my closet again," she sternly instructed Spike. Taking one last lustful look at the transvestite slayer, she left.
"First I was afraid. I was petrified." Spike heard a voice singing outside the room. "Thinking I could never live without you by my side." Lorne opened the door with two martinis in hand. "Can't get a good Gloria Gaynor out of my little horned head. You look hot cupcake, but what's the matter?"
"Fred was here. Saw me while looking for the Brenium Denethum. The bird saw me and everything."
"Don't worry, sugar," Lorne leaned over and kissed Spike gently. He set the martinis on the table. "What she want with the Brenium Denethum anyway? It only has sex magic. And speaking of sex, you do look mighty edible in that dress." Lorne reached over and slid his green hand up Spike's thigh under the fabric. "How about another kiss?"